the concept of forgiveness. Forgiveness has become the "buzz word" of
the new millennium. Forgiveness cannot be emphasized enough,
especially when it comes to optimal healing. Unfortunately, most
people--patients and physicians included--have a distorted and
inaccurate idea of what forgiveness truly is. Webster's Dictionary
defines forgiveness as "1) to excuse for a fault or offense; pardon.
2) to renounce anger or resentment against."
The definition of forgiveness is not enough; we must apply the
principles of forgiveness. Before we can apply forgiveness to our
everyday lives, we must have an understanding of what forgiveness is
and what it is not. There are many myths surrounding forgiveness that
should be addressed and eliminated before true forgiveness can be
incorporated in one's life.
Myth #1: To truly forgive one has to forget. Unless you suffered a
traumatic brain injury or was the victim at an early age, there is a
high probability that you will remember a particular trauma or event.
It is virtually impossible to forget a broken heart, cheating spouse,
or abusive parent. The experience is forever recorded within your
subconscious and your energy field. The event itself does not define
who you are. It is merely an experience on your journey.
You can still remember an unpleasant situation or person and still
forgive. You will probably not forget the experience, but you can put
it behind you as you move forward in life. But the memory of the
experience is still there. If the memory of the unpleasant person or
experience causes discomfort, grief, or anger, then there is still a
"charge" to you energy field and you have not completely forgiven the
person, situation or experience. When you can honestly recall the
unpleasant experience or person and there is no "tugging-of-your
heartstrings," the emotional charge is gone. Then you are in a state
of forgiveness.
Myth #2: When you forgive a person, you must trust them! This is one
of the biggest misconceptions of forgiveness. If trust has been
broken, it takes time to rebuild and earn trust. Trust cannot be
forced on someone. Trust has to be earned. If trust is repeatedly
broken, then the intelligent thing to do is never trust them again.
Once again, you can forgive someone. But, trust is completely
different.
Myth #3: You must respect the person(s) that you have forgiven. Again,
respect and forgiveness are two separate entities. Respect, like
trust, is earned; it cannot be forced upon or demanded. If someone is
not worthy of your respect then he or she is not worthy of respect
(even if they are family).
Myth #4: When you forgive someone, you must totally and completely
accept them. When you forgive someone or something, the forgiveness is
for yourself. You choose to take your power back so that someone or
something no longer controls your life. This is where healthy
boundaries are important. If a friend or loved one has hurt or
betrayed you and you have forgiven him or her, you can accept them for
who they are (to an extent). But, if they do not earn your trust and
respect and you know their integrity is lacking, move forward in life
and seek people that unconditionally love and uplift you. You can
accept people for who they are even if they lack respect, honor,
trust, and integrity. But, it is up to you to realize that you're not
going to allow that type of person into your life. This can be
particularly difficult with close family members. We can still love
them. But, if they lack honor, integrity, and they continue to bring
you down, move on. Life is too short.
