around you are negative? Negative people can be a challenge to be
around. They will bring you down and drain your energy. A negative
person can throw your best laid plans to be positive right out the
window. Whether your child or spouse has an occasional negative day or
you deal with a family member, friend or co-worker that is chronically
negative, there are things you can do to remain positive in the face
of negativity.
1. Let the Negativity Pass
Whatever you do, do not argue with a negative person. Arguing only
adds fuel to the fire. A negative person will feed off any negativity
that will strengthen his mood or attitude. I have noticed when my
children are in a crabby mood, it is best to avoid trying to convince
them to analyze and adjust their attitude. As soon as I take the
approach of being in opposition with them, they seize the opportunity
to prove to me that life stinks. Their negativity intensifies and the
situation gets worse before it gets better. Sometimes the best thing
to do is remain silent and let the negativity pass.
2. Negative People Need Love
You know how difficult it can be to give love and positive attention
to negative people. Unfortunately, that is often exactly what they
need. Deep inside that mean and critical person is a person that is
usually afraid he or she is unlovable. It is our challenge to rise
above the negative attitude and love the injured person inside. How do
you show love when someone is negative? You must listen to what she is
trying to tell you. Acknowledge the feelings she has by saying
something like, "You sound very angry right now". Even if you don't
quite understand the person's feelings, know that your reality is
different than someone else's. Ask how you might help the negative
person. This shows legitimate interest in her happiness. Offer a hug
even if you get rejected. Remember not to take a rejection of your
love personally. A negative person often has difficulty receiving love
from others.
3. Focus on the Positive
If you try really hard, there is always something positive to be found
in any situation. Pretend you are on a treasure hunt and search for
any gold or jewels you can emphasize. Even a negative person has
positive qualities. When a person is drowning in negativity, it can be
difficult for them to see the positive. So often my clients focus on
the negative aspects of themselves. They forget about all the great
things they are doing. I admit that sometimes a negative person
doesn't want to see the positive. This might require her to shift her
outlook. Negativity can become a habit and habits are hard to break.
Be patient and gently remind your grumpy friend or family member to
look for the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow. Hopefully, in her
down time, she will begin to reflect on what you have said.
4. Ask Negative People to Elaborate
You may hear a negative person say things like: "Women are fickle."
"You can't trust doctors." "My husband makes me miserable." These
kinds of statements are a type of cognitive distortion referred to as
generalizations. To help a person sort through her distorted thinking,
ask for more specifics. Questions like "Which women are fickle?" or
"What specifically about your husband is making you miserable?" force
a person to evaluate what he or she is really trying to say. A
negative person will either give up because it takes too much effort
to explain himself, or he or she will get to the bottom of the issue.
5. Detach and Avoid Trying to Change the Negative Person
Learning to detach emotionally from a negative person can greatly
benefit you and the other person. A negative person will fight you if
you try to change them. If you want, you can try a little reverse
psychology and agree with everything she says. I once read a great
article about a mother who was exasperated with her son's negative
mood. Everything she tried to soothe him and make him feel better
backfired. She finally gave up and started agreeing with everything he
said. When her son told her his friends were mean, she agreed with
him. When he complained that his teacher didn't know anything, she
couldn't agree more. After several minutes of this kind of dialogue
with her son, his mood suddenly shifted. He declared that he was tired
and he went to bed with a smile on his face.
6. Stay Away from Negative People
If you have negative people in your life that are critically affecting
your mental and physical health, you need to evaluate whether or not
you want these people in your life. Some people are so chronically
negative that you have no other choice but to remove them from your
life. It's possible to do that with friends. You can find another job
if your boss or other co-workers are bringing you down. Other people,
such as children and spouses, are difficult to remove from your life.
In this instance, professional counseling may be the answer. To
protect your well being, you need to enforce very strong boundaries
with negative people.
7. Keep Your Own Negative Thoughts and Behaviors in Check
If you do nothing else but focus on managing your own negative
thoughts and behavior, you will come a long way towards remaining
positive. A negative attitude is contagious, but a positive attitude
is infectious as well. Hang out with positive people that encourage
you to be your best self. Use positive affirmations to overcome
negative self-talk. Express your gratitude for all the positive things
in your life. Take the time everyday to watch all the beautiful things
going on around you. Read inspirational material and listen to joyful
music. Take care of yourself spiritually. Do whatever you have to do
to remain positive and happy despite the negativity you face.
The world will be a better place because of you and your attitude. And
you never know, you just might help a negative person make a change to
a better way of living.
